A Modest Proposal

Editorial

 

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A Modest Proposal2

 

Editor’s note: We didn’t write this and lay no claim to its contents. Sometimes you just have to put your tongue in your cheek and go for it.

For Preventing The Children of Poor People in Mexico and Central America From Being A burden to Their Parents or Country, and For Making Them Beneficial to The Public
 
By Jonathan D.H. Swatt (2014)

A secret whistle-blower in the Department of Homeland Surety has leaked the plan under consideration to deal with the massive influx of undocumented minor immigrants currently flooding across the Mexican border and being dispersed throughout the western region of the United States.

As the Federal Government has some 46,670,373 adults receiving food stamps at a cost of $71,800,000,000 the impact on the statistics of the decades long successful war on poverty has become a dire emergency.  The Federal Reserve has put in requests for more paper than the current supply of wood pulp can provide and the US Mint has only a three months’ supply on hand.   “It appears we have a solution at hand” inside sources at DHS have been leaking to the press.  “We have hired 26 of the finest chefs in the world to develop a recipe book for serving the undocumented minor immigrants at home and in restaurants.”

They will soon be taking applications for restaurant owners with preferential queuing for Mexican food businesses.  There is no truth to the rumor that Taco Bell has received an inside track to the bidding.  Del Taco is still under investigation for insider influence.  The highest preference will be given to adults receiving food stamps at a rate of one undocumented minor per month and will include a free recipe book.

The free recipe book developed by the Department of Homeland Surety has been developed for all budgets from gourmet to down home cooking styles.

The wonderful thing about this program is that it solves multiple problems with a single government program.  The problem is always with the language of how it is presented.

Problem solved!

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Jonathan Swift who is now rolling in his grave (he’s been dead for over two and half centuries) and who disavows any knowledge of this satire.

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