By Richard Eber, California Political News and Views
Most Trolls like to hide their true identities preferring to use aliases whenever possible. This year we are going to bring this adherent behavior out of the closet and bestow well deserved awards to those deserving “bugs on the windshield of life” Welcome to the first annual Political Troll awards direct from Chatsworth California.
The envelop (no, the plain brown wrapper) please! Unfortunately, Susan Sarandon was unable to act as MC. Instead, she is doing a fundraiser for endangered anorexic brine shrimp whose habitats are being compromised by shrinking numbers of aquariums in the Malibu area.
Award categories for the Troll awards
Educator of the Year
- The High School teacher who declined to have her class study Macbeth because of trauma caused by Hillary Clinton losing the election. Perhaps she might substitute Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory? That couldn’t be tolerated because with only 5 golden tickets being issued; this would not be inclusive enough because everyone would not be a winner.
- Randi Weingarten– President of the Teacher’s Union. As a bitter opponent of parental control, School choice, and reforming failing inner city schools, it is hard for her to say “I’m there for the kids.”
- Berkeley Chancellor Nicholas Dirks who issued a statement endorsing free speech while condemning speaker Milo Yiannopoulos to be a Troll who didn’t deserve to be invited to speak on campus. Although some purists considered Dirks actions to be inciting to riot, no one was listening to him anyway.
- UC President Janet Napolitano: A former head of Homeland Security she has advocated not co-operating with her former agency and make the entire UC system a Sanctuary Campus for undocumented students.
State of California politician of the year (unfortunately there are no Republicans on this list because there not enough of them in California to even merit honorable mention in this category)
- Gavin Newsom– Other than raising money he had no major accomplishments other than making weed legal and providing additional bureaucracy for law abiding citizens to purchase ammunition. His campaigning for gay marriage does not count because it is was made legal by the courts long ago
- Nancy Pelosi– Still hanging on after all these years as Minority leader in the House. Strangely enough, she is being cheered on by California Political Review Editor Steve Frank. He feels that in retained her leadership position, the San Francisco legislator helps the conservative cause every day she holds this post.
- Kamala Harris– After winning a Senate campaign where not 1 in 25 voters know what her stands might on important issues, Harris stunned her colleagues by asking at a confirmation hearing for the future CIA Director, what his positions might be on LGBT issues among his employees? At least she didn’t propose Miranda rights for captured ISIS leaders.
- State Senator Kevin De Leon who took an oath of office to uphold the law–while admitting half his family are criminals and should be deported. Where’s Leland Yee when you need him?
Political Action Committees (PACS) of the year
- Ed Voice- This group pushed for Charter Schools without vetting their candidates very well but did well at the polls.
- California Teachers Association (CTA) – Balanced out Ed Voice making the battle of the education Super PACs petty much of a draw.
- The Koch Brothers– They are on all lists of evil PACs so why not here even though they had virtually no influence with the 2016 election cycle in California. Who says these awards are not “fair and balanced”?
- State Workers PAC’s- They triumphed as usual with nothing done to counter the ever increasing pension debt of CalPERS. At 1.5 trillion and counting, who cares since public employee unions control the legislature.
Hypocrite of the year
- Debbie Wasserman Schultz– How could a nice girl like her from such a good family become such a scum bag? Debbie was able to accomplish this feat in her capacity as Chairwomen of the DNC sabotaging the campaign of Hillary Clinton’s primary rival Bernie Sanders with dirty tricks that would make J. Gordon Liddy proud.
- Hillary Clinton– Where do we start with her? The email server scandal? The corruption with the Clinton Foundation? Trying to pretend she liked rap music when hanging out with JZ and Beyonce? What a progressive hypocrite who stunk up the campaign and cost her party another 4 years in power
- Donna Brazile: (See Newsperson of the year)
- Janet Napolitano chancellor at UC- For her political grandstanding on immigration enforcement trying to make the University a Sanctuary for undocumented students. This comes after she served under President Obama as the Secretary of Homeland Security.
Worst Fake news posting
- Hillary wins in a landslide. According to Clinton’s campaign manager John Podesta, who will soon to assume the dual roles of Secretary of State and Chairman of the Clinton Foundation, “Our candidate’s integrity, transparency, and honesty were the prime factors leading to her triumph.”
- WikiLeeks founder Julian Assange pardoned by Donald Trump and invited to White House for a gala reunion with Rachel Maddow and
- Brian Williams barely escaped death when the helicopter he was riding, came under intense enemy fire in Iraq. It took awhile but this episode of fiction was finally unearthed and Williams was suspended from being the anchor on NBC’s ratings challenged evening news broadcast. According to well placed sources, Williams did not have to return the Civilian Medal of Honor Medal bestowed on him by President Obama last year.
- The Washington Post and New York Times set record profits for the third quarter as their home delivery services doubled. Industry analysts also noted that popularity of daily newspapers has increased while interest in the internet has waned as has viewership of political blogs.
Celebrity of the year
- Paris Jackson– 18 year old daughter of Michael Jackson took a strong stand against building the Dakota Access Pipeline while making a presentation at the Grammy Award show She naturally is an expert in this field having majored in being a celebrity while sporadically attending Middle School.
- Katy Perry– Pop Singer and social change proponent, Perry appeared frequently at rallies during Hillary Clinton’s failed Presidential campaign. Her new song features the words “So comfortable, we’re living in a bubble, bubble; so comfortable, we cannot see the trouble, trouble.” By communicating ideas with such depth, it is believed Perry must have been a Poly Sci major during some part of her education.
- Madonna –This is one performer that will not likely be asked to entertain for President Trump. After all she threatened at a political rally “Yes, I’m angry. Yes, I am outraged. Yes, I have thought an awful lot about blowing up the White House, but I know that this won’t change anything.” Luckily, she later said this statement was taken out of context much “like a virgin, touched for the very first time.”
- Celebrities who threatened to leave the United States if Donald Trump won. Thus far there have not been refugee sightings for “Bryan Cranston, Clelsea Handler, Barbra Streisand, George Lopez, Jon Stewart, Miley Cyrus, and Cher to name a few. The only question is if these people will depart by commercial airline or by private jet.
News person of the year
- Donna Brazile: Formally a commentator on CNN, she was fired when it was revealed on WikiLeeks that she passed on questions to her pal Hillary Clinton prior to a Presidential debate with Bernie Sanders. Apparently Brazile missed the ethics class at journalism school
- Lying Brian Williams of MSNBC, ( see fake news stories)
- Lester Holt NBC- His lack of insight was revealed during his moderation of the Presidential debate between Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump. This was most evident as he could not control either candidate and seemed to be confused much of the time. Reading cue cards when reporting the news is not a substitute for insightful journalism.
- Al Sharptin & Rachel Maddow– This pair are difficult to stomach as their dismal ratings might indicate. Sharptin was so unwatchable that his five day a week show was reduced to being given a slot on Sunday morning to compete with cartons, farming, fishing, and nature programs.
Best performance by a bit political player in a supporting role
- Debbie Wasserman Schultz- (See Hypocrite of the Year)
- Ted Cruz- His bitter concession speech at the GOP convention last year put new meaning to the expression “sour grapes”.
- Huma Abedin & Anthony Weiner– When this pair retire from politics they should consider a career as a comedy team and do shows on the Vegas strip providing Weiner can keep his pants on.
- Hillary Clinton’s IT Team-which all took the 5th in answering all questions posed by the FBI.
2016 California Troll Athlete of the Year- Colin Kaepernick
He was awarded the prestigious honor not only for his sterling play on the field for the 2-14 San Francisco 49ers; but also for failing to stand when the National Anthem was played prior to all of his team’s games. His body of work deserves to be sent to the Football Hall of Fame in Canton Ohio where his unpatriotic exploits can be celebrated in years to come. Unfortunately, O.J. was unable to attend the awards ceremony to give the Niner QB his just due.
Governor’s special honors for Un-elected bureaucratic behavior
It isn’t even close. Despite competition from the Spare the Air Gang, Caltrans, and the PUC, The State Water Resources Board was the unanimous choice after delaying their decision to end draught water restrictions in California. Even the crisis with the Orville Dam overflowing, a record snow pack in the Sierras and Southern California reservoirs at near capacity, these unelected bureaucrats will be hanging on until Noah passes by to save endangered species.
Troll of the Year
Harry Reid! Need we say more!
Richard Eber studied journalism at the University of Oregon. He writes about politics, culture, education restaurants, and fwas ormer city and sports editor of UCSB Daily. Richard is president of Amerasa Rapid Transit, a specialized freight forwarder.